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How I Told My Kids About My Breast Cancer
MyBCTeam member, Nina Melad, shares her experience on how she told her children about her breast cancer diagnosis.
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:29:02
Nina
My experience with telling family and friends, that was the hardest part. What was really hard was when I had to tell our kids. My son was in seventh grade and my daughter was just in fourth grade. My journey to diagnosis started when I felt a bump the size of a pea, and I finally told my husband about it, and he told me to get it checked.
00:00:29:07 - 00:00:54:13
Nina
So I went to the doctor. They did a biopsy and found out I had breast cancer. And that was 2014, in the start of my journey with looking for oncologist, meeting with my radiation oncologist, a surgeon, and so forth. My surgery went well. Around March of 2016, I started feeling back pain. I just thought it was just regular back pain.
00:00:54:19 - 00:01:25:06
Nina
Didn't see a doctor. I would get massages, but by November, I was getting a massage and I couldn't get off the massage table. I was in so much pain, so I went to see a doctor, and found out that my breast cancer returned to my spine. My advice to any family or friends finding out someone they know was diagnosed with breast cancer is let them tell you when they're ready.
00:01:25:08 - 00:01:52:09
Nina
When we talked to my son about it and my daughter, my son, he basically went silent. My daughter, she cried, but what we told my daughter was we're getting the best doctors, and we caught it early. And after we said that, my daughter was good. With my son about a week later, we had a heart-to-heart talk.
00:01:52:11 - 00:02:19:12
Nina's son
This happened 10 years ago. They kind of approached it to protect me, and not really to let me know about any of the, you know, negative effects that could happen. But I would advise their kids to do the best they can with what their parents tell them to do. You know, they're going through a rough time.
Nina
My kids really helped. To them,
00:02:19:16 - 00:02:44:22
Nina
you know, mom’s sick and she needs a little TLC. Just little things, putting their clothes away and cleaning up their rooms a little bit better. It was really sweet that they would do things for me.
After you’ve completed successful breast cancer treatment, getting a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis is a shock. MyBCTeam member Nina spoke with us about how she realized her breast cancer had returned.
Nina has been married to her husband, Stan, for 26 years. Her son, Matthew, is 23 and recently graduated from college. Her daughter, Sabrina, is 19 and currently studying abroad in Japan. She also has a fur baby, a Dandie Dinmont terrier named Emmitt.
The first time she had breast cancer, in 2014, Nina noticed symptoms thanks to jewelry related to her faith. “My journey to diagnosis actually started when I was wearing a necklace with a crucifix,” she related. “I felt a bump the size of a pea. I went to the doctor, they did a biopsy, and I found out I had breast cancer.”
After completing treatment, Nina didn’t worry much about breast cancer. “Because my surgery went well, and I did the radiation, they basically told me that the chance of me getting cancer again is very low,” Nina said. “Two years later, I started feeling back pain. I just thought it was just regular back pain, and so I didn't do anything about it. Then I was getting a massage, and I couldn’t get off the massage table. I was in so much pain. That’s when I went to see a doctor and found out that my breast cancer had returned to my spine.”
Talking to family and friends about breast cancer can be challenging. Designating a loved one to do the talking can help in the short run. “My husband was the one who told our family members, because I didn’t want to talk to anybody,” explained Nina. “I was still in shock that I had breast cancer, because nobody in my family had it.”
Nina also had some advice for people who have a recently diagnosed relative or friend: “My advice to any family or friends finding out someone they know was diagnosed with breast cancer is basically to back off. Don’t inundate them with phone calls saying that you’re praying for them and ‘sorry to hear that’ — because that’s not what I wanted to hear. Let them tell you when they’re ready.”
Nina also urged women living with breast cancer to stay positive and find things to look forward to. “Don’t let the diagnosis of having metastatic breast cancer overwhelm you,” advised Nina. “Take it one step at a time. Trust your doctors, enjoy life, enjoy your family. I’m 10 years in and still going. My husband and I love to travel. We’ve been all over Italy, we’ve been to the Holy Land, we’ve been to Paris, and next month, we’re going to Japan to visit our daughter.”
Read about new treatments that are extending life for people with metastatic breast cancer.
MyBCTeam is the social network for people with breast cancer and their loved ones. On MyBCTeam, more than 69,000 members come together to ask questions, give advice, and share their stories with others who understand life with breast cancer.
Have you or a family member been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer? How was it found? Share your experience in the comments below, or start a conversation by posting on your Activities page.
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Kelly Crumrin
is a senior editor at MyHealthTeam and leads the creation of content that educates and empowers people with chronic illnesses.
Learn more about her here.
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