I believe when faced with the most challenging aspects of life we are acknowledging our inability to control that which has ruled our existence for the year, or years since dx. Emotions are the opportunities we have to reflect on how far we have come on this journey. Embrace those feelings and be thankful.

My 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed is later this month. The weekend I was diagnosed I browsed in a bookstore. The very first book I picked up off the display table was by called "Manuscript Found In Accra" by Paul Coelho. I opened the front jacket flap and the following words jumped off the page at me:

"There is nothing wrong with anxiety. Although we cannot control God's time it is part of the human condition to want to receive the thing we are waiting for as quickly as possible. Or to drive away whatever is causing our fear….Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it- just as we have learned to live with storms."

I immediately knew that message was going to be part of my healing journey.

I think it is very true we will never master the anxiety cancer causes deep within our souls. But we can learn to live with it. My radiation oncologist said a wonderful thing to me when I was having a rough day a few months ago. He said, "Your fears are understandable and normal. We have done everything we can do medically. You have done everything you can do to heal and be strong. The rest is in the hands of The Universe. You have two choices. You can worry about it.

OR….

You can live your life."

During our anniversary times it is normal for the anxiety storm to appear on the horizon. We might not be able to fully master it, but we can each do something to reduce it or release it. Find something that brings you joy and focus on it during those times. Look out at your horizon. You see the anxiety storm, but look further beyond it. And move joyfully in that direction.

Be Well!
Ann

1 yr BMX anniversary was this past January, finished chemo a year ago last month and July will be my 1 yr finishing radiation. I am more emotional about this now that I was during my treatment. Surgeon and oncologist say it is VERY normal and will take some time. Give yourself a break and just know that everything that has happened to you has been out of your control.

It's understandable reliving the difficult times but I suggest you then set those thoughts aside and focus on today. You might have lingering effects but you survived, you're here!! Try to focus on finding joy in each day. It might be a beautiful flower, a photo of a cute dog, talking to a loved one. There is always something to be grateful for!

I went 15 years between original stage II bc to my recurrence last jan 11, 2013 of mets in the bone. I cried less each anniversary, but it is forever marked in my brain and even though I'm in tx now, come May 22 I will think about the orig dx. It is always with u, but gets easier as time goes by! Each year is easier and it should be a celebration of your life. It took me about three years to feel that way. So cry on your anniversary and move onto the next day and celebrate, hugs to you as I know what U are going thru. Good luck and hang in there! Lynn